Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
