just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
