I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
