do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
