her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
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