I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Randomize
