Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I just want to make out with him forever
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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