Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
