I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
My pussy is not your playground.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Randomize
