it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Someone shattered a urinal.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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