i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
splinters make it hard to masturbate
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
