He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
