New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
