exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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