He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
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