Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
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