When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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