Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
