I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
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