You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
