I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
