Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
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