They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
You can't special order awesome
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
