Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Randomize
