This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
