Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
