Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
You pole danced in your parka.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
