I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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