I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
