Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
