Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
