I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
