the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
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