if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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