I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
