i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Randomize
