I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
