he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
