Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
