Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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