we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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