just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
