so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
My pussy is not your playground.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
pray to the hookup gods
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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