Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
