i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
