you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
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