I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
We need to get me chipped asap
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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