I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
