I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
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