He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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