if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
