I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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