he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
