I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
