I just made out with a guy for $7.
I will die if light touches me.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Randomize
