It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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